When I First Felt You…

“Being Happy doesn’t always make us grateful, but being grateful will always make us happy”

It was the day before Thanksgiving 2 years ago, when I first felt you. It was a day of first’s and a day that will be with me until my last breath. I am grateful everyday, but today I most grateful for that day. The day I felt you.

The day before Thanksgiving two years ago, was the day I felt my son kick for the first time. I was sitting at the counter watching my mom cook when suddenly I felt my stomach drop. It was a feeling that wouldn’t go away, so I finally told my mom I was going to go lay down and relax. She asked me what was wrong so I attempted to explain it to her and she laughed, turning to me and said “It’s the baby kicking you!”. I stood there shocked, because it was a moment I had dreamt of for what felt like an eternity. She swiftly came over and put her hands on my belly and all I could do was cry. I can recount everything in that moment. It was just after 3pm, the breeze was blowing through our house (Florida Living in the Winter), the light was coming in the front door at just the right angle that the sunbeams hit the counter and floor just right. Everything in that moment was okay. See, because after nearly 10 years of being told I could not conceive naturally, my son Enzo was my miracle. I never thought I would feel what I felt that very day. It is a feeling I now know would make me laugh and keep me up late but that I would cherish. All day today I have been thinking about that beautiful afternoon two years ago.

My words do not live up to the moment but I wanted to share. I wanted to share the moment I am grateful for today, my happy place. Again, I am grateful every day. I pray to my higher power, always giving thanks but some day’s you just are grateful far beyond reason or explanation. Today is one of those days.

I hope I was able to bring a smile to your day.

 

XOXO,

Me!

Hospital Sunset

Good Evening everyone,

I have the most amazing support team, but I want to thank you all for being there for me as well. You’re wonderful and I appreciate you reading and showing me such support and love via emails and comments. So I wanted to share some beauty with all of you. 

Here’s to another beautiful sunset! Although shadowed by the hospital, it is beautiful. 

Happy Friday night my peeps. Tonight I shall Netflix and chill🙂. Oh and need I not forget nebulize/infuse. 

Xo,

Me

Please send coffee…

We all have our things, small things we can’t live without. When I am in the hospital, I need to be able to wash my hair (shhh random I know), I need snacks to balance the sugar drops in the middle of the night from steroids, I need my 10ft charger, but above all I need a good damn cup of coffee!!!! Truly any day I need good coffee, but more so when I am in the hospital or going through treatments. 

Unfortunately, there is no good coffee place here in the hospital. So I’m feeling like my friend below! Please send coffee! 


🙂 maybe the universe will deliver… or maybe I need to just go AWOL for a moment! Either way, the need is real. Good morning and hope you have a great start to your day! 

Xoxo,

Me

Hospital…

You know you weren’t feeling well when you’re happy to be in the hospital… okay maybe not happy to be in the hospital, but happy to be receiving treatment. 

After struggling for 8 long days with breathing problems, I drove myself to the ER. Having put myself on the regimen of steroids and Nebulizer treatements and only progressively getting worse, I  agreed to being admitted. Currently sitting in the dark looking out my windows thanking my higher power for the opportunity to receive treatment. 

I can’t tell you guys how many times I’ve dreaded the hospital stays. Dreaded the inevitable and incessant poking, coming in, and vitals. Today I was just grateful that I have the ability to seek the medicines that will inevitably bring me back to center. Yes said medicines will cost me sleep and some anxiety… etc but they will help me breathe! Something truly vital, huh? :) 

So today, I am grateful for the opportunity to seek medical treatment. Never thought I’d be so happy! 

Those out there struggling… stay strong! 

Xoxo,

Undefeated Me

2:26 AM

Another night spent awake. If I was honest with myself, I would say it’s been going on for weeks. Waking up in the middle of the night/wee hours of the morning. I sleep maybe an hour or two straight and then wake. It has become utterly frustrating . I’d like to pinpoint why this round insomnia is happening, but I seem to be coming up short. Some nights it’s pain related, other nights my thoughts get the best of me. Then there are those nights where there is nothing… no thoughts, no excessive pain… nothing at all. I just lye here, awake. 

Most wouldn’t understand. I’ve tried everything from bedtime routines and baths before bed to medicines and teas. My Sour Sop works the best, but it’s still not full proof. 

So I am here, hoping my fellow insomniacs are  doing well! 

Xoxo,

Me

Puerto Rican Olympic Power

Like so many people around the world, I have been glued to the Olympics as much as I can. I am a very proud Puerto Rican woman by nature, but I am elated to share…

The first Gold Medal EVER for Puerto Rico 🇵🇷 was achieved by Monica Puig a 22 year old, Puerto Rican Woman!!! 

http://www.justjared.com/2016/08/13/monica-puig-wins-puerto-ricos-first-gold-medal-at-the-rio-olympics-2016/
Screaming from the rafters! 

Xoxo,

Me! 

Allergic to Air

The life of a Asthma Sufferer… Sometimes I joke that “I’m allergic to the air”, but in all honesty leaving the house sometimes poses a serious threat to my lungs. Case in point today… Although I was dealing with small allergies they were nothing I couldn’t handle with an over the counter allergy pill. This morning I walked outside and felt as though My lungs were assaulted. I felt as though I was suffocating and since I have been reaping the consequences, for simply walking outside of my house. Most of the year and even more so in the summer months the EPA Website and myself are best friends. I check air quality prior to walking out of the front door. 

My doctor recently encouraged me to move back to another climate. He looked at me and said these Asthma attacks will kill you if they continue like this. No one and I mean no one wants to hear that but I without question appreciated his honesty. Sometimes I take for granted that I have made it this far. I rarely allow my illnesses to keep me down for long. Sometimes I forget just how serious my illnesses can be. I fight every day and I think at times I become almost desensitized to the very possiblity of a permanent outcome. Sometimes I forget that my illnesses are not just debilitating but can be deadly… 

So today was a good reminder, and I took it easy. Living off of my nebulizers and put myself back on a dose of steroids (Yes this is a routine dose discussed with my medical team that prevents a crisis from happening we start on a pre discussed dose of steroids).
 *Not recommended to be done without discussion with your medical team*

I’ll never let it keep me down for long but today and every day is a good reminder of life and the blessings it holds. To my fellow chronic illness suffers that have lung involvement I am with you… May we breathe better sooner rather than later!  

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Xoxo,

Undefeated Brittle Asthmatic Me!

Just get some sleep…

Me: “I am Exhausted”

Them: “Get some sleep. Rest. Oh just take a nap.”

If it were only that simple. There is tired and then there is the exhaustion that many of us with a Chronic Illness feel. It is the nausea inducing, body shaking, fever generating, limb weakness type of exhaustion. For me, my exhaustion can sometimes include breathing difficulties and neurological side effects such as dropping things, tripping (body imbalance), and fogginess. It is a concept that is difficult to grasp if one has not experienced it.

Sometimes resting or sleeping do infact help but more often than not it only places a bandaid on the situation. It is like plugging in your cellphone that is at 2% for 10 minutes to get just enough of a charge to make a call. You rest/sleep for 8 hours… and sometimes you have just enough energy to do just one activity. You save up all of your energy for one thing. We are not talking about saving up your energy for one big trip to Disney, no. I am talking about you sleep 8 hours to do something like clean the bathrooms or cook dinner. This is of course if you can get to sleep, as many of us are experiencing side effects from medications or in such pain we can not get comfortable.

I wish I was joking. I wish that everything I was saying was a harsh dramatized dream, but it is not.The last time I was experiencing this level of exhaustion I was being newly diagnosed. I have to admit that I have been very lucky over the years as I have been able to kind of gage when I was exerting myself and I would plan appropriately. I worked full-time, went to school full-time, and maintained some level of friendships. Now that I think about it, I am not sure how I did it… but I did. Now a days I can’t seem to make it until 3pm without needing to nap for just a moment. When I was working in an office, many of times I would take my lunch break and nap in my car.

I have been looking up some different shakes and teas to help with my symptoms. Think I will make one in the morning and see if it helps even a little. I’ll share the process! Stay strong my fellow spoonies. I am with you… Have a good night!

XOXO,

Exhausted Me.

Happy Saturday 2AM

Good Morning and Happy 2AM to you!

Hold tight for your regularly scheduled programming of prednisone side effects. Todays feature comes with insomnia inducing, night or early morning sweats, severe heart burn, the shakes, and elevated heart rates. 
I am just stopping by to say hello to my other Chronic Illness Warriors out there going through their share.