The moments that keep me humble…

Pride makes us artificial and humility makes us real.
Thomas Merton 

This quote strikes several cords in my psyche, but today I will stick to humility. Anyone who knows me knows I like sticking to the real and truly foundational side of who I am. I may have a beautiful home, a new car, and what looks like expensive taste. In the end those things are just that… THINGS. It is no secret I fight a daily struggle with my body that at times debilitates me in the most simplest forms. 

Take for instance, and the true inspiration behind my blog today. This morning I woke up with a serious case of FUCKING Lupus swelling. (The word Fucking before every time I say the word Lupus is necessary today) Needless to say my hands and joints were swollen. Mornings like this are normal for me and often they range in severity. Today was a moderately swollen day, so much so I could barely hold my toothbrush to clean my mouth. Regardless of my pain I got my ass moving and got dressed to go to work. I tried to do my hair which ended in a twist and clip, and I didn’t wear make up because to hold the brush to put my make up on was excruciating. Then came sneaker time… Well I looked at my feet and for just a moment wished I could wear flip flops to work. With a deep breath and a slightly deflated ego (more disappointed than deflated) I went and woke up my other half and I asked him for help tying my sneakers. Shooting open his eyes and looking dead at me with the understanding it was a rough one, he jumped up to help without hesitation. THEN made me coffee in my easy to use coffee cup. (I have a coffee cup for rough FUCKING Lupus swelling days such as today). 

Most people would look at me and NEVER in a million years think I was “sick”, well to me I am not “sick”… Sick is for the flu, upper respiratory infection, or questionable stomach bug you get once a year when you eat bad TURKEY (inside joke). Me, what I am dealing with is not an illness its a FUCKING war! It’s a war I fight daily, hourly, or some day’s by freaking minutes. It’s a war that I refuse to allow to take over… but on mornings like this morning… I told myself it was ok to ask for help. Those of you out there that know me personally, know that asking for help is NOT easy for me. Actually if I am being honest with myself, asking for help is the hardest thing for me to do. I used to feel as though asking for help showed a vulnerability or weakness that I rarely showed to ANYONE let alone someone outside of my immediate circle. I have learned though that it is OK to ask for help, that in fact it is not weakness… but STRENGTH. I have also learned that TRUE and REAL loved ones will never look at you in disgust or with distaste when asking for help. In the end if someone looks at you and thinks your weak for it or judges you for asking for help then the problem is them, not you.

In the moment where he looked at me with acknowledgement of my pain and disappointment he got on his knees and tied my shoes always making sure that he was not causing any added pain. In the very same moment I was struck with a humility that would have rivaled Buddha himself. I was struck with an overwhelming gratitude and humility that someone would not question the reasoning behind my need but would get down and do something as simple as tying my shoes. 

So often we take the very simplest of actions for granted. We don’t realize there is someone out there struggling to do something as simple as picking up a toothbrush or wiping their backside. It’s so easy to take for granted what you don’t realize is a true GIFT. So humble yourselves ladies and gents… Humble yourself that you just grabbed a drink and didn’t drop it because of extreme limb weakness. Humble yourself that you just stood up without feeling like your legs were being burned or stabbed… ABOVE ALL, humble yourself that you right now can breath without ANY medical intervention… 

If you decide not to humble yourself… trust me Karma will… 🙂

 

To another day and another moment

XOXO, 

Undefeated Diva

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2 thoughts on “The moments that keep me humble…

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