I don’t think that bravery is about skin. Bravery is about a willingness to show emotional need.
I have never been one to be forthcoming with my vulnerability. To be honest, there are only a select group of people that have seen me at my worst. I call them my A team. In the recent weeks and months life has brought about some serious ups and downs, many of which I have kept to myself. In the recent week much of it came to a head and rendered me bad company. Even in my “stank” state, my beautiful friend reached out to me and pleaded with me to take a break from my mind melting thought process and visit her. Against my true will, I did just that. I ran to her quite broken. Now, I can say that of the A team only a handful have seen me this low. I hadn’t seen her in months, but honestly it was as if there was no time lost between us. Hugs were given, laughs were had, and without question tears were shed! I don’t believe that I have ever had a therapy session quite so loving and amazing.
Which brings me to the true core of my writings today. At the most crucial point in my weekend, where I felt I could talk no more my beautiful friend said four words to me that would forever warm and change our relationship!
“YOU ARE MY BRAVE”
She said this to me, and to be honest I don’t believe she realized at that moment the true weight of her words. I don’t think she realized the monumental shift in me and how much love I had for her at that very moment. Here I was running to her in my time of need, and she was telling me that I was HER brave! Of course these four words spiraled into so much more. On my 2.5 hour drive home, the words to this blog took formation.
The clarity in my mind started to take shape and the clarity in my heart renewed itself. If she only knew what she had done for me.
So many times I have cried, so many times I have hurt, so many times I have felt I would never recover from a hurt… but every time I had my brave with me! I started to think of the weekend and how she got angry at something I was saying and she went into protection mode. She was not angry at me, but angry that something or someone would kick me while I was down. At that moment she was in fact MY BRAVE! I started to think about when she hugged me and gave me her word she would have my back good or bad… she was my brave!!!!
Then the thoughts started growing to encompass some of my A team… My mom, how no matter what she would kill for her daughter. My dad, that even in his most cerebral state will make duck jokes while I am breathing out of a machine. How about my 17 years old brother… How he would do or die for his big sister… How about my sister Ashley that at 18 and all of 4 feet she hit a co-worker of mine because she called me old… How about my other half that held me in the shower when I was too weak to function… how about my other loved ones that are there via text or voice to cheer me on when they can not be there in person… THESE ARE MY BRAVE!
It’s amazing, if you saw it in action… how when I call how they come and shield me from the outside world! How even in the face of the worst adversity they stand guarding me like lions guarding their cub… How amazing that when I can not be brave for myself… I have an A team that will be brave for me!
I am loved, I am honored, and above all I am blessed!
Thank you to all of you who have been my brave when I couldn’t be brave for myself. Above all, thank you to my Jelly for being my brave in my darkest hour… Thank you for knowing JUST what to do!!!