Here and Now

Never let the things you want, make you forget the things you have.


For a dreamer and a natural born planner the struggle is real. A never ending battle to focus on the here and now. How often do we stake claim on a goal for the foreseeable future and blow full steam ahead, but forget to “stop and smell the roses”? Lately, I have been so fixated on the future that I have not stopped to look at what is right in front of me, and above all be grateful for it. I found myself transfixed yesterday in a moment that was both invigorating and self-actualizing. It was the moment I realized, time waits for no one. This is not a new lesson but one that from time to time I fail to keep in the forefront of my mind. As I stood in a moment with my son, standing in the grass of our front lawn I realized just how much I focus on things for my future that I want to give or do. Although there is nothing wrong with wanting to create what I believe to be a better and brighter future, I do see a problem missing out on moments in the here and now.

So with that I took off twirling and throwing my little man. Running around on the lawn and eventually throwing us both in the grass, worn out and gasping for breath (who would think I am only 30). In one simple moment, that smiling face brought me back to the here and now. The here and now to be grateful for that small moment. The moment’s we as people with chronic illness only dream about when we are in a hospital bed or bedridden from our diseases. In that moment, my son reminded me to live. Not in any way shape or form am I saying that I am fixed from this thought process, but that moment, a moment shared between mother and son transcends through every aspect of my life. Stay focused Christina… Take a moment and taste your coffee, smile at the passing company, and above all remember that life is here and now, be grateful. Tomorrow is uncertain for all but especially those of us fighting battles. Hell, today is uncertain. What I know is as I went to sleep staring at my son’s face, I thanked him for the lesson. He will never know the true depth of what he teaches me regularly.


Happy Monday Morning!



Undefeated Grateful Me


Sleep… Not!

Sleep is the best meditation 

-Dalai Lama
Dear Sleep,

I miss you. For all those times I fought NOT to take you as a child…. I AM SORRY! Please forgive me and come back to me. I promise to love you and take care of you for the rest of my life! 

Yours Truly,

Good Morning Everyone! 

Sleep deprivation is real my people, but what am I saying most of you know that. I have always suffered with sleep difficulties as an adult, even more so after my diagnosis. I have never understood how ones body could be so very exhausted, yet not give in to sleep. Well you add an infant to that mix and you have one hell of a fun ride. I am totally and utterly amazed at the human body and its ability to function. 

If you see me on the streets and I do not make sense to you, just tell me you love me , hug me, and send me to bed! 😂 I had a friend that I was talking to last evening do that very thing!

On a fun note, I have a graph of my sleeping patterns! How cool is this. I was gifted a Fitbit a week ago and it has come in so handy with my sleep patterns. Check it out guys. I average about 3 hours and 40 minutes of sleep give or take a night. Not consecutive sleep of course, but over the course of the 8 plus hours I am in bed. Very cool apparatus… Have been considering getting the one with the heart rate. 
So guys, long story short… Get your sleep! If not you may be like me. Speaking jibberish and looking crazy! 🙂 Until then I will go to breakfast with my little man this morning as he has decided to shower me with the most beautiful conversation. 

Undefeated, super exhausted, jibberish speaking Diva